mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i've created a new STD.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
