i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"