What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk is not a location!