we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize