Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia