margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME