Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
