I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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