i just wanna soil my oats bro
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
