are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
