I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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