I wish I could punch you in the face.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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