Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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