After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he thought i was a dude.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
