I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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