Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
