You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
how does that bad decision feel?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
