i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
