I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
