Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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