I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
