I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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