He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
