this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
