remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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