I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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