Sponge bath it is.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
