i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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