we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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