so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
