Kiss
Puke
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
