I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
