a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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