I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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