If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
