So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
