Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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