i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
