Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
