It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize