My nipple is on Facebook.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
