so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
