If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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