in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
