Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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