I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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