Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize