He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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