My friends, they love my intelligence
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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