If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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