im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn off my feet"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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