Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
