I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
