I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
