just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
