playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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