we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
whose parrot is this?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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