apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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