Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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