im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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