tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
