Whatcha textin bout Willis?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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