ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
