Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
