I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't deserve a penis
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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