i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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