so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
