is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
