yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
