8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
