whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
