you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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