A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
